Bank jokes

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Bank jokes

What did the bank owner do after the last masked bandit robbery? He brought in bulls to beef up security. Why did the miserly banker always count his money with his toes?

Because he didn't want the money to slip through his fingers. What should you do if you meet a woman who doesn't like banker jokes? If you take her on a date, don't not teller any. Banker Pick-Up Line : Are you fiscally irresponsible? When is it bad business to be reaching higher? When you're a bank teller in a hold-up! What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank? This is a stand-up. What recurring nightmare does a single bank manager have about web dating?

They may find themself a-loan.

bank jokes

How will a bank teller help you if you want to draw money? He'll hand you a pen. What happened after the dummy robbed a bank? Police are questioning a ventriloquist who may have had a hand in it. Interesting Pick-Up Line : Hey baby, bankers change it up and do it with varying rates of interest. Because she didn't have that much time. Big Banking Tip: Never be funny when speaking to your loan officer because bankers have no cents of humor.

bank jokes

What do you call a bank account specifically for marijuana purchases? Joint account. Why do recovering addicts make great bankers? Because they have a lot of experience with withdrawals. Money Groan of the Moment: A banker told a joke, but it just didn't make any cents.

What did the helpful blonde bank teller ask the client? Do you need to draw money? I could offer you a pencil. How can you tell you're addicted to money? Whenever you go near your bank, you get withdrawal symptoms. Insider Banking Lingo: A personal financial dilemma is also known as a bill pickle. Why did the blonde go to the bank wanting to swap grapes for 50 raisins? Because she wasn't sure about the currant exchange rate. What is it called when a banker buys weed?

A dank transaction. Money Loss Groan of the Day: A naked woman robbed a bank during a power outage. So, nobody at the bank could remember her face.Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?

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Now what does the pig give you? And what does the fat cow give you? A child asked his father, "How were people born?

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away. Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion. Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin. Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have? If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have? If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?

Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have? Brown had two sons. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek.

Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred.

Funny Bank Jokes

Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing? Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick? A: "Put it on my bill. A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull.

The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount.Check out this collection of banker jokes. We did our best to bring you only the best jokes about bankers. Wall Street pockets 11 and tells the social worker the damn government employee is trying to steal his cookie. Check out our collection of Politically Incorrect Jokes. A tragedy is a ship full of bankers going down in a storm; a catastrophe is when they can all swim.

John Paul Getty. If a banker and a lawyer were both drowning and you could only save one, would you go to lunch or read the paper? Check out our hilarious collection of Lawyer Jokes. Completely ruined. I went bankrupt. I have no money. I will let you borrow. If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only two tellers? Check out our awesome collection of Windows Jokes.

Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready. Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss. So the doorman leads him to the dorm. They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants.

He has an IQ of ! Check out Albert Einstein Quotes that will inspire you. In a difficult financial situation, the government of the King Joseph asked for money from the European banker. The loan will be canceled. What kind of monarchy are you if you were afraid of my son Moni?I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. When does it rain money?

When there is "change" in the weather. What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella! What do you call a man with a head full of change? How did the Banker die? He Cashed Out Where do penguins keep their money? In a snow bank! Why is a river rich?

Because it has two banks. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!

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What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish? A Loan shark! Why did the duck go to the bank? Because he wanted to get a new bill.

20 Best Banker Jokes

What do fish use for money? Sand dollars! Did you hear about the Gold Digger? She enjoys long romantic walks to the Bank of America. Where does a fish keep his money In the River Bank! Why did the bank teller leave her job? She lost interest. Why did the idiot over draw his checking account? Because he had no cents. Why did banks want to return all the government bailout money ASAP?

Because they were upset at all the hidden fees! Why did the bank robber in a Pittsburgh Steelers jacket get away? He was surrounded by people in Arizona Cardinals jackets who couldn't catch him! Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. If money dosnt grow on trees why do banks have branches?

bank jokes

Money is not the root of all evil, Jealousy is. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

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England doesn t have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. Chuck Norris doesn't have a bank account. He just tells the bank how much he needs. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. I was going to make a joke about Bank Of America, but I lost interest.Make money pulling practical jokes.

Need instructions on how to add this humor to your presentations? Check out our speaker educational materials section by clicking here.

Learn how to be a great speaker and get paid for what you know click here. Bonus humor lesson: Switching. Here is a load of banking and financial humor. Much of this humor is negative towards banks.

If you want to use this humor when speaking to bankers you will have to "switch" the humor so you won't offend. Here's an example: Original joke: The banks have a new image.

Now you have "a friend. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens? The old joke says, "If the banks are so friendly. What are you doing about your image? This technique allows you to use negative humor without offending.

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This is also a simple example of making a point with humor. If you are a banker, you can use the humor freely because you will be making fun of yourself. I went to the bank and went over my savings. I found out I have all the money that I'll ever need.

If I die tomorrow. They hung him. He used to work in a bank. But no matter how much the boss likes you, if you work in a bank you can't bring home samples. That's why they're in school. Never lend any money to anybody unless they don't need it. Sing on your interest and your voice will last. There's this long slit on the top. Nobody was ever meant To remember or invent What he did with every cent.We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy.

To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies. This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote. You must be a registered user to submit a joke.

bank jokes

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process. I was at my bank today waiting in a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change?

Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change? A little old lady walked into the head branch of the Chase Manhattan Bank holding a large paper bag.

OLD MAN TELLS FUNNIEST JOKE EVER!

She told the young man at the window that she wished to take the 3 million she had in the bag and open an account with the bank.

She said that first, though, she wished to meet the president of Chase Manhattan Bank due to the amount of money involved. The teller seemed to think that was a reasonable request and after opening the paper bag and seeing the bundles of 1, bills which amounted to right around 3 million, telephoned the bank's secretary to obtain an appointment for the lady.

The lady was escorted upstairs and ushered into the president's office. Introductions were made and she stated that she would like to get to know the people she did business with on a more personal level. The bank president then asked her where she came into such a large amount of money.

He was quiet for a minute, trying to think of where this little old lady could possibly come into 3 million. He didn't see how he could lose. For the rest of the day, the bank president was very careful. When he got up in the morning and took his shower, he checked to make sure everything was okay. There was no difference- he looked the same as he always had.

He went to work and waited for the little old lady to come in at o'clock, humming as he went. At o'clock sharp the little old lady was shown into his office. With her was a younger man. When he inquired as to the man's purpose for being there, she informed him that he was her lawyer and she always took him along when there was this much money involved. The bank president thought this was reasonable and dropped his trousers.

She instructed him to bend over and then grabbed a hold of him. Sure enough, everything was fine. The bank president then looked up and saw her lawyer standing across the room banging his head against the wall.

45 Funny Clean Jokes And Puns

Q: Where does Santa keep his money? I went to the bank the other day and asked the banker to check my balance, so she pushed me! A very, very rich gentleman dies, leaving his fortune to his only living friends, a Doctor, a CEO, and a Lawyer. But being the eccentric he was, his will stipulated that each one must place their third of the money in his coffin before he is put in his final resting place.See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Joke A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a fuckin' checking account" To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say? They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be the problem here?

More jokes about: money. A woman goes to her bank with a cheque from her husband. A: Because they were so busy fixing the price on oil! Vote: share joke Joke has More jokes about: moneypoliticalrepublicantime.

Martin ended a letter to his dad with this question, 'Is Washington's picture still on the dollar bill? Why do you ask? More jokes about: dadmoney. Ok, but how about your finances? The lawyer takes care of those More jokes about: carlawyermoneywife. Fred collected lots of money from trick-or-treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. Fred thought for a moment and said, "No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity. More jokes about: foodmoney.

Why does ET have such big eyes? He saw the phone bill. A guy is driving his car and finds a friend crying, sitting on the road.


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